Breastfeeding: Giving up

There,

from the title of this entry,

you know that I've given up.

Yes, I have, it's true.

and you are probably reading this to find out why.

It is simple.

I have no milk.

My decent-size boobs failed me.

Actually, 

I've been wanting to blog about this,

but have been procrastinating

because I know many (those cow mummies aka breast milk advocates) will judge me.

"YOU CAN DO IT"

"AS LONG AS THERE'S DEMAND, THERE WILL BE SUPPLY"

"YOU NEED TO KEEP ON PUMPING"

"KEEP LATCHING"

I heard so much encouragements that made me believed in my boobs.

that made me believed that my boobs just need some time.

Anyway,

I'm blogging this now,

because I just read someone's confession about giving up breastfeeding

and I thought there should be more light on this

so that people with boobs failure like me won't feel so lonely so outcast.

Prior to giving birth,

I was 100% sure that breast milk it is!

It is free and it is said to be sooooo damn good for baby.

My boobs aint tiny,

they aint HUGE either

but I was confident that such size would not have any problem with generating milk.

So much so,

I went ahead and bought lactation tea, breast pads and storage bags.

Storage bags,

120 pieces!

I was so confident man, I wanted to store milk for my baby

when I'm away for holiday next year.

(YOU BAD MOTHER, NO MILK AND GOING FOR HOLIDAY!)

25 Nov 2013,

I gave birth to my baby,

the gynae asked me if I would like to let my baby latch (while my vagina get sewn up).

Without a doubt,

I said YES!

Baby's so clever and started suckling,

but the bad mother here has no milk, zero milk.

Gynae said it's ok,

will take a few days before milk comes.

But at that point,

I felt pretty sad because some mummies are so lucky,

their milk were dripping from their boobs even before giving birth.

What's wrong with mine?!!

But being the EX-breast milk advocate me, 

I still opt for full breast feeding.

So, each day, every few hours, the nurses would bring baby to me to latch on.

This continued for 2 days,

until baby started crying.

We had no choice,

so we fed baby glucose water,

hoping that I will have milk SOON.

Then, the feeding of glucose water became so frequent,

I couldn't bear to let my poor baby go hungry just because her mummy has no milk.

If you gonna comment that it is okay,

the baby has enough in her body to last a few days.

NO IT IS NOT OKAY.

IT IS NOT OKAY WHEN SHE SUCKLE ON YOUR TITS FOR 30MINS EACH SIDE,

AND STILL ENDED UP CRYING.

CAN U IMAGINE THAT POOR BABY SUCKLE FOR 1 HOUR?

Not to mention that I was so weak (I don't know why),

my whole body was jelly.

The final straw came when my baby needs to stay in the hospital for another day

because of jaundice and G6PD,

while I get discharged.

The nurse asked if I would like to stay another day 

since I opt for full breastfeeding.

The husband asked me to discharge and pump milk out 

so that he can bring it to the hospital for baby.

I wasn't confident that I was able to pump out enough milk worthy to deliver from home to hospital,

so I gave in to formula milk.

I went home without baby,

with stitches all the way to the arsehole.

I stepped into the house,

and people asked why baby is not back with me.

and people asked why I no milk.

and people asked why my tummy is still so big.

I'M SO GOING INTO DEPRESSION,

THANK YOU.

I just wanna collapse on the bed, guilt-free, please.

I ate expensive fish everyday,

popped pills to have milk,

but to no avail.

The max I could get was 20ml,

by pumping and literally manually squeezing (deflating) my boobs for 1 hour.

Husband said so little,

might as well don't feed and throw away.

*eyes shoot daggers*

I'M HAVING DEPRESSION ALREADY.

Went facebook mummies community,

and cow mummies having engorgement,

cow mummies pumping 200ml in 30 mins.

HOW DID THEY DO IT?!

Baby's home,

and I continued latching.

Each time after latching for God knows how long,

baby still cried for hunger,

and my body is so jelly.

I was encouraged to give up by husband and mil,

but I preserved and still wants to and hope to be able to increase my supply by more latching.

Eventually,

it became 

"WHY U STILL NO MILK?"

"U HAVE MILK ANOT ONE?"

THE BREAST FEEDING ADVOCATE ME has read so much about breastfeeding,

even taking note how long breast milk can last in freezer, chiller, etc.

ALL THIS MAKES ME DEPRESSED,

SO MUCH SO THAT I HATED EVERYONE,

EVERYONE.

In the toilet,

I made a life-impacting decision.

I am giving up,

and giving in to formula milk.

I came out of the toilet a changed person,

the world seems better.

Breastfeeding advocates, hold your horses.  

OKAY,

I STILL LATCH MY BABY ONCE A DAY.

I latch my baby when she fuses after feeding.

Though I am sure she is probably getting only 5-10ml from me,

I think I am more like a human pacifier to her ._.

But at least,

she is getting the 5-10ml of the goodness of breast milk.

Somemore,

mine's like limited edition,

so it is the goodness of the goodness (LOL).

UNCOMMON things to consider before getting pregnant

You may have read alot of 

"Things to consider before getting pregnant"

and most of it consists of having the baby for 40weeks (and how tough it is blah blah blah),

or the responsibilities of having a baby, finances, etc.

I'm gonna tell you some which ARE NOT COMMONLY the things to consider,

and of course, some common things as well.

1. PAIN

They seldom (or never) mention about pain, do they?

By pain, I mean excruciating pain.

This may apply to some people only.

(those who opt for no epidural or

those who opt for epidural and it didn't work, yes, that's me!).

If u think that epidural works for everyone,

well, it doesn't.

"It doesn't work for everyone.."

that's what the Doc said to me before he skillfully poked the needle into me.

Oh yes, having the needle poked into the spine is not painful.

So, this is my story:

On my estimated due date (edd), 24th Nov 2013, I felt slight menses cramps

(which is actually contractions).

On the 25th Nov 2013 (which is the day to induce delivery),

the contractions got worse.

While waiting to see the gynae (morning appt),

it got beyond worse and they put me on this scan machine to track the frequency of contractions.

Finally,

it is my turn to see the gynae 

and gynae poked me below and said I was 3cm dilated.

I was damn happy and thought I could faster give birth and get over with it.

Then she said

"You need to be 10cm dilated, that is the usual.."

WTF, FML!

So, I went to the delivery ward to wait for the 10cm dilation (which never came).

Things happened very quickly there:

1. I got changed and was told to urine in a cup.

2. Some nurse poke a mega needle into my vein on my hand which hurts like a bitch and 

is not supposed to hurt so much wtf is she doing to me!

3. Nurse connected me to a scan machine to track my contractions.

4. Was told I needed to clear my bowels and the next thing I know,

I got fucked (yes, fucked! my VIRGIN arsehole) by a pointed bottle.

5. Epidural-ed

6. Gynae came and poked my water bag.

7. Contractions Contractions Contractions

8. Ate sandwiches

All these while, Bei got chased by the nurses, wtf.

He also did the registration and upgraded me to 1 bedded (best decision ever).

Finally, after long miserable hours of waiting,

I finally got "transported" to the individual delivery room,

where there's at least a proper couch for Bei to sit.

Either the contractions got real bad or the epidural worn off,

I don't know which but I was suffering.

Poor Bei was nursing a bad throbbing headache,

he even went to buy medicated oil and showered his head with it 

Finally, at 5pm, the pain was TOTALLY UNBEARABLE

and I felt something pushing below.

So, the nurse poked me below and called for the gynae.

Gynae came and poked me.

(again..how many times am I gonna get FUCKED BY ALL THESE PEOPLE's FINGERS!!!!

seriously, don't know why the nurses need to poke me lah!! 

I HAVE A GYNAE, PLS LET HER DO THE POKING ONLY!!!)

She said I am 8cm dilated,

I can try pushing for 1-2 hours and see how.

So, she went off.

(I thought she will be pushing together with me, I guess not)

Bei is such an angel.

He was pushing with me for 1 hour,

shouting 

1-2-3 PUSH.

ALL THE WHILE,

the nurses kept CHANGING!!!

FUCKKKK!!!!

They change and change and change,

NO HELP IN PUSHING.

1 or 2 nurses that came,

helped with the pushing for once only then WALKED OUT AGAIN.

1 nurse even WATCHED THE TV 

while asking me to push.

FUCKKKKK UUUUUU,

I wanna stab them.

Then an hour later,

gynae came and pushed with me (yes please thank you!).

She said baby's BP going up,

so recommended to deliver asap.

So, she cut my below (cries!),

I COULD FEEL THE CUT but was too much in pain to care.

Baby got sucked out.

Baby cried.

Heaved a sign of relief that it's over.

Then panicked and asked if baby is okay.

Bei frantically taking pictures of baby

(he bought his professional camera but ended up using iphone to take pics)

We wanted to record a video,

but it didn't materialize. 

Faints!

I must say I am impressed by the speedy delivery,

the baby popped out in 5 mins time.

Bei felt that the 1 hour of pushing was redundant -.-"

Then, I got stitched up and could feel every single stitch and tug and pull.

PAIN

FUCKING PAINFUL

2. THE AFTERMATH

The pain doesn't stop after you delivered.

But of course, you can pop painkillers like I did for the first few days.

I stopped popping them

when I discharged.

Cos I wanted to know if I am healing not.

Cos if I dont feel anything, I could ended up sitting wrongly and splitting my stitches.

The first few days was the saddest.

Stitches swollen, had diarrhoea (still having it now, fml).

My stitches were all the way to the arsehole, so imagine me having diarrhoea.

It was the saddest few days of my life.

I wanted to just die on the toilet bowl.

I don't know if it is normal to have diarrhoea,

but I've been told diarrhoea is good, means I'm getting rid of the toxic in me.

70% of the time, ok I lied, I mean 90% of the time,

I diarrhoea on my pad.

I never even tell Bei about the shitting on pad,

he's gonna laugh at me for the rest of my life.

Seriously, is this even normal?

I hope this diarrhoea ends soon.

3. BABY & BREAST MILK

Yes, your baby will mean the world to you.

after the 40weeks and the pain you went through, the sacrifices you made (bye bye hour glass figure),

how can any mother not love their baby?

WHAT WERE THOSE MOTHER WHO KILLED THEIR BABIES THINKING!?!?

and yes, every mother thinks their baby is the cutest #truestory

Breast milk,

if you don't have, it is ok, it is normal

(I don't have much till now :( but it is ok, formula milk is fine).

People may comment that you have so little milk,

but don't let them put u down.

Join those mummies group,

they will encourage you and share what they do to increase breast milk.

4. GUILT

You feel guilty when you leave the care of your baby to others.

But you need to do that,

so that u can recover fully,

fuel up before taking care of baby yourself.

Even after u recovered,

you should occasionally take a break and have some me-time and couple-time.

That's to keep sane.

5. MOTHERHOOD

Motherhood is good,

enjoy it.

That's what everyone says!

No, it won't be good.

Imagine pumping/feeding, crying baby and not knowing what's wrong, worrying if your baby is shitting enough, worrying if your baby is feeling unwell, worrying if your baby is drinking too much or too little, etc.

But u can choose to feel good about motherhood.

Embrace it, embrace motherhood.

What I'm saying is,

every read/article that says Motherhood is good,

is actually telling you that u can choose to feel good about it.

It isn't really good.

****

My little princess doll,

cutest baby ever,

the smile melts my heart...

 

GOOGLE like a boss, it says

How many do u know?

or not know?

I'm still right here,

waiting to give birth.

MEH.

my womb is too comfortable

Maternity officially starts,

and I'm actually feeling pretty useless.

I mean,

I dont mind not working (who wouldnt?).

But what I needed to do,

I cant fulfill either (which is giving birth lah).

Check-up at gynae today,

and my cervix is NOT.EVEN.DILATED.

WHY!!!

So, the gynae said she's gonna see me next Monday for the finale.

Insert some pills into the cervix,

wait at home (argh waiting again),

then induce delivery.

Baby ah, Baby ah,

why u NO come out?

I've been told walking is good,

and will help.

So, Bei & I fix a "date".

He's gonna go running,

while I gonna walk till my legs give way.

But that man has been sleeping for hours,

since we got home.

Sometimes, I suspect he is pregnant.

How can he sleep so much,

while the pregnant woman here is not even sleepy?

I'm contemplating if I should join him in bed.

If I do, I'll probably wake up 1-2 am (with him still ZzZzzz-ing).

Maybe I should just go bath first,

and pop a few donuts.

And continue waiting.

still waiting

Still no sign yet.

No sign of baby checking out of my womb.

If this goes on, 

I will go thru induced delivery on the 24th.

Sighs,

was hoping that baby would come out on 11.11.13.

After that day passed,

I was hoping every second of my life that the moment will come.

Till today,

I am still hoping.

I think I went a little cray over this,

cos I have been dreaming of my water bag bursting almost every night.

When I woke up from the dream,

I tend to check if the bed is soaked.

But of course,

it is not.

AHHHHH BABY,

please come out already!

I've put on 20kg in total so far,

and baby's only 3kg.

My legs are no longer legs,

my arms are no longer arms.

My fingers,

oh man I can't even wear my wedding ring or proposal ring.

Shoes,

the ones I bought for pregnancy,

they have exploded.

The clothes,

there's only a couple that I can still fit in

and not look like a hippo.

20Kg,

holy moly!

I dont even know if I could ever ever see the 48kg I used to see.

I know,

all these are worth it (I've been told it would).

I just didn't know it would be such a long tiring journey.

Some people had it worse,

I'm really 1 of the lucky ones.

So,

I am still counting my blessing.

oh wells,

baby please come out.

Vanity

No,

I have not given birth yet.

We are all just waiting now,

waiting for the princess to want to come out.

I will be officially on maternity leave (YAY!) in a couple of weeks.

I hope the princess comes soon,

so that the whole maternity leave could be utilized for her.

Anyway,

I've been looking at clothes, shoes, bags and all those material stuffs.

I can't wait to bid farewell to my maternity clothes (yawns!).

So, I was sharing photos of dresses that I wanna get for CNY with my sisters.

It is quite depressing,

cos "definitely can't fit in one!" was one of the "encouragement" I received.

So, I cut down on looking at such and started on skincare instead.

I am so addicted to the Get it Beauty videos on YouTube.

I'm especially in love with this episode.

I may be vain but laziness overrides vanity.

To be honest,

I apply nothing, nothing at all on my face after shower, before bed.

A lot of people out there slap on at least 2-3 products on their face before bed,

but me,

I just wanna crawl in bed.

With the age catching up & giving birth age a woman badly,

I invested in an eye cream.

(which I have yet to use, lol, too lazy!)

On top of that,

I just ordered online these:

TonyMoly's Aqua Aura Water Bomb Sleeping Pack

(as recommended on Get it Beauty!)

Nature Republic Aloe Vera Soothing Gel

I seriously had no intention to get this 

but this online seller has so much good reviews from her consumers.

There was also a promotion going on,

1+1 at just SGD 12.99

SALES!

OK, I WANT!

1 for Bei, who has itchy skin (lol)

1 for me, for my face, body, etc.

I've used the emulsion and toner samples from Nature Republic 

many years ago and it works perfectly for me.

There's so many reasons to buy this, wtf.

I hope these works for me!

:D

Ok, I've got to stop looking at all these skincare!

SOON ENOUGH

I know I have been lazy,

cos I only blog once a month.

But I have an excuse.

I am pregnant and pregnant women are well..

generally lazy.

I'm left with 1 month,

or you could say, 4 weeks.

Time to pack the hospital bag,

which I have been procrastinating.

Need to wash all the baby clothes as well.

I have to admit I did a little over-buying.

But I guess it's ok,

cos it's my first baby

and that's a girl.

So, it is ok.

Since I'm left with just 4 weeks,

I kind of give up on the diet thing.

Yong tau foo seems to non-existent.

But honestly, yong tau foo is really good for dieting.

I'm indulging in cold drinks again,

just some 100plus (which the doc approves), coconut and KOI BLACK TEA MACCHIATO.

Donuts came back into my life.

so has durian, waffles, ice cream...

I am indulging,

because after giving birth,

I can't drink all these ice cold drinks for a month (just kill me!).

Since I'm not allowed to go out for 1 month

(cos of confinement),

I doubt I can eat any ice cream waffles.

It will be a sad fulfilling 1 month,

I guess.

Sad,

cos of the lack of food choices.

Fulfilling,

cos I'll have a baby doll.

It's like masar masar but it's real.

I will probably slim down (alot, I hope).

Oh man,

I just cant wait to get over and done with this.

Sometimes,

I really dont understand how some mummies dont wanna give birth,

and wanna keep their babies in their tummies.

Aint you tired?

seriously.

Dont you wanna hold your baby in your arms?

literally.

I'm sorry you readers suffered months without any pictures.

Trust me, you will get to see a lot of pictures next month.

I feel so blessed with the things God gave me

and am so thankful.

Now, it's time for a cup of 100plus.

Ciao!

:) 

A long journey, almost there.

2 more months to go,

which is about 8 weeks to go.

This has been a long long journey.

It is harder than work,

harder than exams,

harder than anything in life I've experienced.

Not that I'm having a difficult pregnancy,

I thank God I have this easier than most people.

But the diet control is by far,

the worst I ever had.

I mean, back then during the wedding,

I dropped 3 kilos easily to be the perfect 45kg bride.

Ok, maybe it wasnt so easy the way I put it, 

but it was achievable.

But now,

all I need to do is to control the weight gain

and trust me,

when you are pregnant with all the nonsense seasons

like durian seaon, mooncakes etc,

it is a defeated battle.

I once said that having leg cramps is torturing,

but boy, to me, they are nothing now.

I woke up with cramps,

solved it myself and went back to zzz.

Now I have a new problem.

Nobody said that constipation was gonna be one of the shits to go through.

I've read about mummies having constipation,

and I was like eh, I'm so lucky that I have none of it.

But well,

I finally had my FIRST.

and you know what,

I thought I was gonna give birth on the toilet bowl.

I never thought I will have to go through this,

because diarrhea had been part of my pregnancy,

so I thought I will have no problem in that area.

Sighs.

I can't wait to pop

and have the little doll in my arms.

It is true that preggie mums love their babies,

even before they lay their eyes on them.

FOOD

I am depressed

because

1. I am mild gestational.

2. I can't eat ice-cream.

3. I can't eat cakes.

4. I can't eat waffles.

5. I am hungry all the time and I can't eat.

6. Plain water is my only beverage now.

7. I can't eat durians.

8. I have stretch marks.

9. I am only 29 weeks now.

10. There's another 11 weeks to go.

The only legal happy thing to do,

is shopping.

Ok bye!

*proceed to do online shopping,

cos walking in malls is too tiring*

Shopping

I'm done with baby clothes shopping.

So,

now I am finally shopping for myself.

I have to get some open-button tops for breast-feeding.

easier access, lol.

I'm not sure if I will be able to fit in them,

so I'll probably just get a few, say 5 pieces?

Out of 5 pieces,

I have to be able to fit into at least 2 of it, right?

While trying to find those,

I'm seeing all the gorgeous dresses.

I'm not even sure what's in trend now,

after wearing maternity clothes for so so long.

Can I just go to Nov?

All I need now is a yao lan & a baby wardrobe. Maybe somemore cute clothes! A girl can never have too many clothes anyway!

Time's crawling and I can't wait to see the little one that I've been carrying around.

I've just bought insurance for my baby, very kiasu, I know.

Anyway, I've passed my pre admission course to be a CA. What's left now is getting the paperwork done. Hopefully I can get the title before I pop. By God's grace, I took the course and exams while being preggie and passed it.

It seems like I've attained what I've wanted for myself. Doing Masters next was the natural thing but that could wait. My next goal is to pop my baby and just enjoy her to the best. I've in mind so much, baby classes, piano classes...
I may never gonna go back to books, I guess that depends on the finances and time later.

Hopefully, Bei will earn loads of money and please la, my salary will be marked to market. Sighs, but I leave everything in God's hands.

I just want a normal healthy cute baby! :D
Oh ya and if it's not too much to ask, I want my pre-preggie body back please!

Ok im off to eat ice-cream!

HORROR story

I am finally in my 3rd trimester (YES!!)

There's still 13 weeks to go though,

which seems to be crawling each day.

Anyway,

just thought that I should share this,

even though it may not be healthy for preggies who are reading.

But still, 

I feel that being aware is better than ignorance.

Baby Sah narrated to me this story about her friend.

The friend is pregnant,

and was ready to give birth.

But never did she know that she's gonna give birth to a 

stillborn.

Week ago, she felt contractions

but kind of ignored it as she thought it's normal.

Stillborn is apparently common.

It could happen if the baby gets choked by the cord.

So, the message across is

to always feel and be aware that your baby's moving.

I understand though,

the above will not guarantee a detection of bb choked by cord.

This is life,

and all I can do is to leave it to God's hands.

Honestly,

I can't imagine having the baby for close to 40 weeks,

and such happens.

Anyway,

I wish all babies safe,

especially for mine.

Sometimes, I get really paranoid

when there's no kicks (my bb loves to poke, kick, move).

I will tap my stomach

and heaved a sign of relief 

when there's action in my tummy.

Sighs.

Please be safe.

I just have to keep eating

I can't sleep without eating.

Here I am nomming away ,

while the husband drifts in and out of sleep.

Occasionally, he says

"is there a bug on me?"

then I will go huh and switch on the lights to look for the bug,

and tell him that there's no bugs.

He will then muttered

"oh, I dreamt that a bug flew into the room"

Today

My stomach is so big now.

3 months ++ to go before the grand arrival of the precious one!

Im gonna have my pregnancy photo shoot in a bit, a little ashamed cos I'm not exactly looking my best. .

Planning for photoshoot

Capturing memories is important to me.

What more, if it is your own precious child?

This has increasingly becoming more and more popular!

So, at the last baby fair, 

Bei & I took a look at the baby photoshoots available.

It was pretty expensive 

(if you are as crazy as me, who wants like 100 costumes!)

We then decided to do it ourselves,

when no one offers the minions costume.

So, we are gonna buy the minion costume,

which is quite expensive!

That aside,

I'm also getting some pretty affordable costumes,

but not so commonly available in Singapore.

These are some of the other 99 costumes that I'm getting.

I think I can set up a shop to sell all these,

maybe I should just learn how to knit!

MINNIE MOUSE!!!

I've not seen this in Singapore!!!

BUNNY!

This is common but is an essential cos I'm a sucker for bunnies.

MERMAID!!

I have not seen this in Singapore too!!

They do have those boring plain ones but none has PEARLS like this does!!

I was thinking that the erm, top part (covering the boobs) is kind of weird,

but mine's a girl so I guess it's needed right?

I mean, later my kid grow up and have a damaged childhood,

cos her boobs not covered up in photoshoots.

Okay,

that's all for now!

Once again,

I can't show you everything I'm getting,

cos it won't be exciting liao!

Please wait for my baby's photoshoot,

then get excited!

It's about hmmm, a wait of 7-8 months.

THANK YOU!

Wei Cheng and GF went overseas,

and bought back gifts for our baby!

Thanks so much!

We love them!!!

I love the socks especially,

and Bei love the dress.

My colleague also blessed us with a BN milk bottle!

My elder sister is the best,

cos she GIVES ME EVERYTHING!

LOL

My baby sis makes me fat,

by buying me my favourite chocolate and giving me expired food (lol).

HELLO KITTYYYYY!

Some have been saying that my blog has become so boring,

with no pictures.

HELLO,

try balloon-ing and unable to fit in every single gorgeous piece of clothing/lingerie.

Tell me if you will take any photos,

much less say, 

even bring the camera out.

Anyway,

PHOTOS here for u lar!

My birthday present from Baby Sah! 

Hello Kitty Pillow!

Back:

Ok, I need to go shop for baby's stuffs now!

Buying a phone

In a blink of time, 

2 years had passed.

I've been contemplating the change of phone,

I am so ancient that I can use the same phone for another 2 years,

seriously.

But Bei insisted that I get a new phone,

so that he can have my old one.

His is much newer than mine,

but damaged.

So,

his mom's been asking me to change to S4.

His whole family's using S3.

But I've always been an iphone user,

and changing that is kind of hard.

Not until,

everyone around me started to use S4.

THE CAMERA IS 13MP.

that won me over!

Imagine the nice photos I can take of my soon-to-come baby,

not that I have no camera,

but uploading clear pretty photos on blog & instagram is WOW.

Goodbye, Iphone.

I've just placed order for S4,

waiting to get my hands on it

and start downloading all the cutesy theme app.

:D

last day of class so i'm blogging! :)

I'm sorry, again.

for missing and not updating as often as I should have.

This is what pregnancy does to one.

#justblameonpregnancy

So,

while others attend pre-natal courses,

I attended the PAC (pre-admission course) to be a CA (chartered accountant).

Don't close this window the moment you see the word accounts!

HEY, come back!

let me finish my ramblings

Anyway, today is the last day of the course

and I took the exam!

Oh God, please let me pass! 

please please please!

I'm so glad it is over,

you know, it is really not pleasant being preggie and attending classes.

I feel so out of place,

there's another preggie lady in class though.

In the past, 

when I see preggies attending class,

I always feel so sorry for them for having to carry a baby and yet have to sit thru hours of class.

Now, 

I'm one of them.

When I go to the washroom,

people let me cut their Q.

SOB,

the women are so kind

and I feel kind of embarrassed cos I'm er.. younger than them.

Anyway,

I'm so happy to say that I have finally completed shopping for baby's clothes!

I have bought/ordered clothes up to 12 months,

Bei's gonna freak out but a girl needs to have clothes!

Friday blues

I've long completed my acca papers,

and when I'm finally done with procrastination, 

I went to apply for membership so that I can continue the journey to be a CPA.

Then,

I became pregnant.

So, that doesn't keep me going,

cos I thought once the kid pops,

I probably have no energy nor time to study.

I went ahead and booked for the 5 day course,

which I was initially looking forward to,

since I haven't touched any books for the longest time.

Now,

it's nearing (this friday) and I'm dreading it.

I think I may have over-estimated my energy level.

All I wanna do everyday now is ZzZZzzZZz.

It is very tiring to be pregnant.

Sighs,

please let me pass, please let me pass, please let me pass.

I'm kind of panicking as well,

cos every mummy to be is attending months of courses 

of how to take care of baby,

how to breastfeed,

etc etc etc.

-.-"

I never even intended to attend such classes.

I am so so dead.