beneath those words

every step i take,

reminds me of the stinging truth.

i cant help missing him, secretly.

will it ever fades?

power-packed myself with overwhelming number of tuition.

on a lighter note,

SO HAPPY THAT MY TAG BOARD IS ALIVE...

lol

:)

im stronger than i thought i could be.

smell the martell

one sniff of martell,
one sip of green tea mixed with water.


crashed Lunar yesterday, yet again.


yes,
i promised myself not to club on Fridays anymore
cos i have school on Saturday mornings.


but still,
not drinking = not clubbing


RIGHT?


finally finished the remaining bottle of martell at Lunar..


i have to stress on this point:
never gonna step in Lunar again,
and meaning it...


ANYWAY,
dinner at Mahattan.


the rice was delicious!

not much pics!

cos i only had 1min of batt left~

studious laura!

decided to dress "OL" yesterday!

HOHO!

we snapped away while laura copied her law notes!

did i mention its the 2nd week of school

and i skipped lectures already?

guilty as charged.

cant wake up today eh.

GROAN...

in the end, also dint go out at all...

practically slept the whole sat away...

and bebe is going to Taiwan in nov, again!

:(

and gena is away in japan now,

sourcing for the largest hello kitty plush for yours truly

(HAHA, ya right, she said she will take pics of the plush instead)

:(

Speaking of which,

i haven seen Gena for 500 years lar!

25.09.2008

the memory stays...

when pain was beyond words...

the world is heading for St. James

yes,

the whole world is partying tonight.

FIRST, liping.

SECOND, christina and friends.

THIRD, ah poon and friends.

....

im sick!

please dont tempt me...

LOL...

...

That aside,

i was packing my notes the other day.

some were from Poly days,

but sentimental me cant bear to chunk them!

LOL

im a NEAT FREAK

:)

because the weak side is well-hidden.

because there were no other choice

God gave me what i secretly wished for,

but at the wrong time.

what doesnt kills,

makes you stronger, right?

while packing the notes

out of the corner of my eye,

i saw that little red book with a skull cartoon.

i stared at it for quite some time,

before removing it carefully from the pile of notes.

i have hid it,

out of sight,

out of mind.

the book that detailed my life

after what seemed like the worst phrase of my life.

" I'm a girl with many dreams,

dreams that only you can realised."

every page contained the missing, yearning and pain.

i flipped through page by page,

reading every single entry

and feeling the pain all over again.

when i turned to the last entry,

it was titled to bebe instead.

:)

i started tearing the pages out one by one,

shredding them into pieces.

then it started to pour heavily.

silently,

i thanked God for Jeremy, Gena and Laura

for significantly being there for me in my darkest moments.

yes,

i remembered.

there were many other friends too,

but to name all,

i'll probably take one week.

Jeremy and Gena,

who were constantly thinking how to cheer me up,

the strawberry cheesecake,

the thai express delivered to my place,

the hello kitty biscuits,

i remembered.

Laura,

who had the worst shit from me.

the constant partying,

puking and crying all at the same time,

running off and disappearing in the clubs,

and lastly, i tink the crying and puking and screaming combination

was THE WORSE.

THANK YOU

In life,

we lose something yet gain more in return,

isn't it?

that made us stronger in a way,

and somewhat more protective of our inner selves.

not enough time for everything

a complain letter to write to SIM...

a thick stack of newspaper articles to read...

a page of tutorial to complete...

2 novels to immerse in...

packing and sorting of notes awaits...

do my hair with ms poon-y

brought 3 tops, 1 of it has a HOLE, 1 of it is TOO SMALL!!!!

another task on my list: EXERCISE (in a healthy way)

next week, i wanna go running!

LAURA, ARE U GAME FOR IT?

i wanna run till my legs go jelly,

run till i can see my waist!

i realised that my waist is FREAKING GONE!

freak!

and did i mention that i have a TUMMY now,

thanks to all that eating and maybe drinking.

i doubt its the drinking lar,

must be the 3meals-eat bread habit that i have...

anyway, back to clothes!

remembered that i said im punishing myself for failing one subject

by NOT SHOPPING FOR 6 MONTHS

well well,

i did sustain that for erm..few weeks...

but i found it too torturing!

after all,

buying clothes will motivate me to study harder, RIGHT?

so,

here's my new JUICY COUTURE tee

(bought for school)

:)

yes, i hate yellow.

but oh wells...

and i cant differentiate if that's a girl with cropped hair or a guy...

oh, whatever!

i think im falling in love with auditing.

you must be thinking that im crazy!

but its so damn interesting....

sighs....

first day of school wasnt that bad!

Cos i spotted two of my poly frens

and GWEN!

ah, familiar faces made my day~

Being kiasu, i ended up with an aching shoulder...

me and my must have neccessities...

1. mineral water

2. tissue

(2 packs, must have! cos hk always ka-po 1 packet one..

though he's in camp yesterday and we didnt meet but still, habit is hard to change, isnt it?)

speaking of which,

i must have caught the constant sniffing from him.

if you know him,

you know he can sniff the whole day!

and if you know me,

sniffing the whole day drains my life away, literally.

i must have caught that weird sickness from him!

MUST BE!

3. lotion

4. pencil box

(found it after much digging)

5. subway cookies

6. loads of sweets and mint

7. daily bread booklet

8. mobile phone

9. pills

10. strawberry yogurt drink

11. umbrella

(to fight the sun and rain)

and surprisingly,

i all but forgotten about my compact!

check those notes out!

as thick as the bible!

freaking heavy la!

the worse was,

i forgotten to bring my strawberry snacks to school.

:(

nvm!

shall bring it tml and share it with baby sah!

excited!

3hours of lecture = 3hours of gossiping!

they make u drool, dont they?

disappointed for forgetting,

i settled for the strawberry yogurt drink in the

vending machine outside the LT.

Speaking of which,

i remember drinking this after alcohol

and i swear it dosen goes well AFTER ALCOHOL.

groceries shopping~

strawberry cereal,

sighs...

school starts tomorrow...


so does the long hours of travelling,
the boring lectures,
the dreading of school.


From what i recalled,
i was waiting for school to hurry up and start.


BUT NOT ANYMORE,
cos i have to suffer 3 hours of principles and banking every monday ALONE!


:(

then again, i have japanese titbits to see me through my 1st lonely lecture!

:)

speaking of which,

suddenly occured to me that i still have not gotten a new school bag

NEITHER HAVE I PACK MY BAG!

WHERE IS MY PENCIL BOX!

MY PEN!

MY HIGHLIGHTER!

*panic for 5minutes*

that aside,

as holidays draw to a close.

i desperately hang out and have as much fun as i can.

party, dance, drink

and ytd,

we went to SOFT TOYS CATCHING

and some poking of balls around (pool)...

weiping n liping

6 of them!

2 for each of us!

:)

amazingly fun!

HAHA!

this one, i catch for liping one!

lol...

with some help from the staff!

they are so nice, help to shift the soft toys and make it easier for us to catch!

weiping's!

liping's!

mine!

:)

MEET UP SOON, people!

and to you know who you are,

dun tempt me with partying!!!!

LOL

hmmm, majong?

im sniffing my nose out.

just one morning gush of cold wind can knock me out.

why am i so weak!

even baby sah said so...

im gonna drink/eat up my kimchi instant noodles

and pop my so not magic flu pill

baby sis bought out my magic flu pill

:(

i need to get well before 6pm.

you know why.

its the last friday of my hols.

its not even me,

in that situation.

but why do i feel such heart ache?

she skipped school today.

played emo chinese and english songs the whole morning,

i almost cant breathe.

everyday,

she tires herself out

just so that she can go to sleep at night

and if life is merciful,

get to dream about him.

but there hasnt been,

only one dream.

the one and only dream,

he was walking away from her.

i need to get away,

and end of the week seems like a good idea.

drinks, dance, friends and bebe.

:)

i guess you will never feel blessed,

unless u lose something dear.

with you, i can smile from within...

Thanks to Amanta,

im so craving for the carrot cake!

pictures does not do justice to it.

one round really aint enough..

gonna pester bebe to bring me to it,
once i laid my eyes on him...


poor lil army boy's out for outfield...

received my bank statement!

and BOY!

i got a shock!

St. James Power Station

St. James Power Station

freak!

im so gonna pen down all my expenses!

freak!

though currently i do not have any "wants" in mind,

but still, have to save for "rainy days"

(reads: the day something caught my eye!)

when the misery of life gets u down,

it's better to (try to) immerse yourself in happiness.

bebe's been on duty and outfield.

So,

I have been immersing in the good company of friends.

cheers!

pictures soon :)

take away the pain, please

the car accident is over,

with news spreading all over the papers.

the funeral is over,

with many sleepless nights.

everything is over.

but he left behind her,

and many broken hearts.

helplessness, she is.

a missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle,

that's how her life is.

as cruel as life can be,

crying herself to sleep,

watching video clips repeatedly,

hoping to catch his scent,

and yet,

putting a front in front of us.

Is that the way to heal?

will time heal all wounds?

how long?

i stand before her,

with nothing to take the pain away from her.

because he's dead,

and nothing will change that.

so lost amidst the crowd, yet all alone.

fuckin forgetful me forgot to save my fucked up time table which i

painstakingly took 11am - 1.45pm to choose and

not mentioning, the long wait of loading the fuckin page and

fuckin get logged out and logged in repeatly.

now im left with clashing time table

fuckin pissed.

and while im fuckin messing my brain on my sat time table,

_ _'s fuckin discussing some fuckin shit.

why do i even fuckin care?

RESULTS-out

There's more to life than money and studies,

isn't it?

ironic.

the subject that i expected to fail,

i did not.

in fact, i ended up with "not so bad" grades.

the subject which i hate and dread most and skipped classes most,

i failed.

in fact, i ended up with such a "surprising" grade.

the subject which im forever late for (and skipped like 30% of classes),

i got a REALLY NOT BAD grade.

that aside,

i have 4 5 subjects this coming year.

freaking 5 subjects!

the first thing that came to my mind was

"freak 5 sub! my exams confirmed dragged longer than the rest! less holidays!"

SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK

off to bed,

to sleep away the fever.

do you think they could have keyed in the wrong grades for my PBF paper?

i have got to be dreaming, right?

sighs

HATE THAT SUPER BORING THEORY SUBJECT!

she's only but, 15...

how much can a 15 years old girl take?

how much reality/cruelty of life must she see at such a tender age?

the suicide of a close aunt due to unfaithfulness by the husband;

unfaithfulness committed and still committing by the "man";

and now,

the death of a loved one.

Despite all these,

she is still so sensible to want to act normal in front of her parents,

just so that they will not worry.

why isn't my baby sister given a chance to lead a normal teenager life?

a teen's life that is full of vibrant colors.

Sadly as a sister,

there's nothing i can do to take away the ache in her heart.

I would give anything,

anything to turn back time or take away the ache,

so much so that im willing to be poor for the rest of my life.

but there's nothing i could possibly do.

Oh Lord,

please give her the strength to overcome all this trials.

Let her sleep soundly

and pity that little girl, let her at least have some dreams about him.

Let her start eating again.

can life get anymore bleak?

i really do not want to know.

of course,

there is something to be thankful.

Thankful for not taking my baby sister away as well.

why do i feel so much ache,

and yet still feel that she is in a much greater pain than i do.

Lord gave me a chance to treat her better, in future.

Life is so fragile,

it seemed to emphasize again.

Your loved ones are more important that gold and silver.

Cherish them, before it's too late...

i think i would rather my loved ones leave me or cheat on me,

than really leaving me for good.

disgusting MAN

nobody's at home,

except me.

he is lying on the sofa,

talking happily with the woman.

why didnt she just die from cancer?

BITCH