You may have read alot of
"Things to consider before getting pregnant"
and most of it consists of having the baby for 40weeks (and how tough it is blah blah blah),
or the responsibilities of having a baby, finances, etc.
I'm gonna tell you some which ARE NOT COMMONLY the things to consider,
and of course, some common things as well.
1. PAIN
They seldom (or never) mention about pain, do they?
By pain, I mean excruciating pain.
This may apply to some people only.
(those who opt for no epidural or
those who opt for epidural and it didn't work, yes, that's me!).
If u think that epidural works for everyone,
well, it doesn't.
"It doesn't work for everyone.."
that's what the Doc said to me before he skillfully poked the needle into me.
Oh yes, having the needle poked into the spine is not painful.
So, this is my story:
On my estimated due date (edd), 24th Nov 2013, I felt slight menses cramps
(which is actually contractions).
On the 25th Nov 2013 (which is the day to induce delivery),
the contractions got worse.
While waiting to see the gynae (morning appt),
it got beyond worse and they put me on this scan machine to track the frequency of contractions.
Finally,
it is my turn to see the gynae
and gynae poked me below and said I was 3cm dilated.
I was damn happy and thought I could faster give birth and get over with it.
Then she said
"You need to be 10cm dilated, that is the usual.."
WTF, FML!
So, I went to the delivery ward to wait for the 10cm dilation (which never came).
Things happened very quickly there:
1. I got changed and was told to urine in a cup.
2. Some nurse poke a mega needle into my vein on my hand which hurts like a bitch and
is not supposed to hurt so much wtf is she doing to me!
3. Nurse connected me to a scan machine to track my contractions.
4. Was told I needed to clear my bowels and the next thing I know,
I got fucked (yes, fucked! my VIRGIN arsehole) by a pointed bottle.
5. Epidural-ed
6. Gynae came and poked my water bag.
7. Contractions Contractions Contractions
8. Ate sandwiches
All these while, Bei got chased by the nurses, wtf.
He also did the registration and upgraded me to 1 bedded (best decision ever).
Finally, after long miserable hours of waiting,
I finally got "transported" to the individual delivery room,
where there's at least a proper couch for Bei to sit.
Either the contractions got real bad or the epidural worn off,
I don't know which but I was suffering.
Poor Bei was nursing a bad throbbing headache,
he even went to buy medicated oil and showered his head with it
Finally, at 5pm, the pain was TOTALLY UNBEARABLE
and I felt something pushing below.
So, the nurse poked me below and called for the gynae.
Gynae came and poked me.
(again..how many times am I gonna get FUCKED BY ALL THESE PEOPLE's FINGERS!!!!
seriously, don't know why the nurses need to poke me lah!!
I HAVE A GYNAE, PLS LET HER DO THE POKING ONLY!!!)
She said I am 8cm dilated,
I can try pushing for 1-2 hours and see how.
So, she went off.
(I thought she will be pushing together with me, I guess not)
Bei is such an angel.
He was pushing with me for 1 hour,
shouting
1-2-3 PUSH.
ALL THE WHILE,
the nurses kept CHANGING!!!
FUCKKKK!!!!
They change and change and change,
NO HELP IN PUSHING.
1 or 2 nurses that came,
helped with the pushing for once only then WALKED OUT AGAIN.
1 nurse even WATCHED THE TV
while asking me to push.
FUCKKKKK UUUUUU,
I wanna stab them.
Then an hour later,
gynae came and pushed with me (yes please thank you!).
She said baby's BP going up,
so recommended to deliver asap.
So, she cut my below (cries!),
I COULD FEEL THE CUT but was too much in pain to care.
Baby got sucked out.
Baby cried.
Heaved a sign of relief that it's over.
Then panicked and asked if baby is okay.
Bei frantically taking pictures of baby
(he bought his professional camera but ended up using iphone to take pics)
We wanted to record a video,
but it didn't materialize.
Faints!
I must say I am impressed by the speedy delivery,
the baby popped out in 5 mins time.
Bei felt that the 1 hour of pushing was redundant -.-"
Then, I got stitched up and could feel every single stitch and tug and pull.
PAIN
FUCKING PAINFUL
2. THE AFTERMATH
The pain doesn't stop after you delivered.
But of course, you can pop painkillers like I did for the first few days.
I stopped popping them
when I discharged.
Cos I wanted to know if I am healing not.
Cos if I dont feel anything, I could ended up sitting wrongly and splitting my stitches.
The first few days was the saddest.
Stitches swollen, had diarrhoea (still having it now, fml).
My stitches were all the way to the arsehole, so imagine me having diarrhoea.
It was the saddest few days of my life.
I wanted to just die on the toilet bowl.
I don't know if it is normal to have diarrhoea,
but I've been told diarrhoea is good, means I'm getting rid of the toxic in me.
70% of the time, ok I lied, I mean 90% of the time,
I diarrhoea on my pad.
I never even tell Bei about the shitting on pad,
he's gonna laugh at me for the rest of my life.
Seriously, is this even normal?
I hope this diarrhoea ends soon.
3. BABY & BREAST MILK
Yes, your baby will mean the world to you.
after the 40weeks and the pain you went through, the sacrifices you made (bye bye hour glass figure),
how can any mother not love their baby?
WHAT WERE THOSE MOTHER WHO KILLED THEIR BABIES THINKING!?!?
and yes, every mother thinks their baby is the cutest #truestory
Breast milk,
if you don't have, it is ok, it is normal
(I don't have much till now :( but it is ok, formula milk is fine).
People may comment that you have so little milk,
but don't let them put u down.
Join those mummies group,
they will encourage you and share what they do to increase breast milk.
4. GUILT
You feel guilty when you leave the care of your baby to others.
But you need to do that,
so that u can recover fully,
fuel up before taking care of baby yourself.
Even after u recovered,
you should occasionally take a break and have some me-time and couple-time.
That's to keep sane.
5. MOTHERHOOD
Motherhood is good,
enjoy it.
That's what everyone says!
No, it won't be good.
Imagine pumping/feeding, crying baby and not knowing what's wrong, worrying if your baby is shitting enough, worrying if your baby is feeling unwell, worrying if your baby is drinking too much or too little, etc.
But u can choose to feel good about motherhood.
Embrace it, embrace motherhood.
What I'm saying is,
every read/article that says Motherhood is good,
is actually telling you that u can choose to feel good about it.
It isn't really good.
****
My little princess doll,
cutest baby ever,
the smile melts my heart...
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